


The Silent Cry

by CricketCat



Category: The Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Chronic Fatigue, Chronic Illness, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heronangst, Jem is an angel, Jem looks after him, M/M, University, Will had chronic fatigue, infernal devices au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:35:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23630956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CricketCat/pseuds/CricketCat
Summary: Jem and Will have been together for six wonderful months. But Jem is starting to worry that Will is losing interest. Little does he know, Will needs him now more than ever.
Relationships: Jem Carstairs/Will Herondale
Comments: 6
Kudos: 55





	The Silent Cry

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably the latest birthday present I have ever given but HAPPY BIRTHDAY HERONSTAIRS2014! I have battled through mountains of uni work, the biggest house move of my life and an actual global pandemic to write this but IT IS FINALLY HERE! 
> 
> ENJOY!

“Those aren’t good for you, you know.”

“I don’t care. They’re nice.”

Jem rolled his eyes at Will’s pout, for once turning a blind eye at the fact Will was putting more rubbish into their shopping basket. Food shopping, for Jem, was a tiresome affair of constantly keeping watch over Will who had a habit of sneaking unnecessary things into the shopping trolley. This time, it happened to be that sugar waffles were to his taste as he practically shoved two children out of the way to pile his arms high with the packets. 

Usually, Jem would force him to go put them back. But Will had been troubled recently. It wasn’t like him to let his mood slip like it had. So Jem decided to ignore it. Just this once. 

Deciding that they should probably leave before Will put anything else unnecessary into their basket, Jem made his way towards the tills, paying as quickly as he could just in case. “Make yourself useful, William, and pack the bags,” he told Will with a slight smirk on his face. Will rolled his eyes but did as he was told. This was how it had always been since the two boys had first met in their first week at university. Both of them had been put in the same flat, along with their other friends Tessa, Gabriel, Sophie and Jessamine. They’d all gotten along amazingly, well apart from Will and Gabriel but Jem was pretty sure it was all an act. 

For their second year, they all moved into their new house together. And, on the night before the Christmas holidays and during their house Christmas Party, Will caught Jem under the mistletoe on the kitchen doorway (which Jem later found out that Will had tactically placed there) and kissed him like the cheesy romantic he was. Apparently, it was to some relief to their housemates who had been taking bets on when they would finally realise their feelings for each other. Tessa had won, as she did at most things. 

So Jem and Will had been together now for six amazing months, and Jem was never happier. He just wished that Will was happy too. Because he hadn’t been for the past few weeks, and Jem was starting to worry that maybe Will was getting bored of him. It was just that…well, whenever Jem wanted to go out somewhere or do something, Will would always complain that he was tired and would be asleep in their bed as soon as they had dinner. In fact, even if Jem wanted just to go for coffee in the morning, Will always came up with the same excuse. Even worse was when Jem came home and Will wasn’t there. He knew he didn’t have lectures at that time and yet he was out. Jem had come to the conclusion that Will just didn’t love him.

It made him sad, but all he wanted was for Will to be happy. 

They left the supermarket together and were starting to head back when Jem got a call. “Hello?” he answered, rolling his eyes at his friend Jace’s voice on the end of the line. “Jace, I can’t understand you when you’re babbling.” Will looked over at Jem with a smirk on his face, knowing exactly what Jace was like. “Wait, you’re kidding me?” There was a stream of chatter from Jace. “Look I won’t have time to get my violin so can you bring Clary’s? Okay, okay, I’ll be right there.” Jem clicked off the call and sighed.

“What is it?” Will asked, raising an eyebrow. “Sounded bad.”

“Clary is sick which means Jace doesn’t have a violinist to play his final assessment with,” Jem replied. “He’s asked if I can step in. The only thing is the assessment is literally in two hours. So I’ve got to learn an entire piece of music in that time.”

“You’ll do it,” Will said encouragingly. "You are the best violinist this uni has." 

“Are you alright getting the shopping back on your own?” Jem asked. Will nodded, but he didn’t look Jem in the eye. Jem sighed internally. No doubt that Will would use this opportunity to sneak off to wherever he had been going for the past few weeks. But he didn’t say anything, only handed his shopping bags over to Will. 

“Alright, I should be home by dinner hopefully. Just put the stuff in the fridge.”

“Yeah, I’ve got it,” Will said.

“Thank you,” Jem said. “I’ll cook dinner tonight to make it up to you, yeah?” Will smiled in return.

“Sounds good,” he said. He leant forwards and kissed Jem on the cheek. “I’ll see you later, love.” And then he was gone.   
***  
Later that night, Jem stumbled back into his house, exhausted but happy that he had managed to help Jace out. His assessment had gone really well despite Jem having only learnt the piece of music within an hour. But luckily enough he was a component enough musician to be able to do it. 

Dropping his bag in the living room, Jem made his way to the kitchen then suddenly yelped. Will was sitting at the kitchen table, his head resting on his folded arms. Around him were the still full shopping bags that he had brought back hours before. “Will!” Jem cried. “What on earth are you doing?!” Will leapt up, looking extremely disorientated but settled his focus on Jem. 

“Jem?” he asked. “What are you doing here? I thought Jace needed you?”

“Yeah, he did,” Jem said, trying to keep calm but his temper flaring ever so slightly. “That was three hours ago, Will! I left you three hours ago!” Will looked completely bewildered and opened his mouth to probably argue back then realised the shopping bags were still around him, water pooling beneath them where the frozen food had melted. His face morphed into one of shock and slight fear and he scrambled to pick up the bags.

“Oh god,” he said. “I-I don’t know what happened, Jem. I just- I just sat down for a minute then- I don’t know! I must have fallen asleep! I don’t know what happened…” Jem suddenly couldn’t take it anymore. For weeks he had let stuff like this slide, thinking there had to be some other explanation. He let Will have his secrets, let him disappear for hours, let him sleep when all Jem wanted was to spend time with him. But this was the last straw of Jem’s saint-like patience. It was clear to him now that Will had obviously just left the shopping then went out again. And by the time he got back, Jem was about to get home so he hadn’t had time to cover the evidence. That led Jem to one conclusion.

Will was cheating on him.

The thought was so horrible and sickening that Jem just wanted to cry. But he couldn’t face Will right now so he turned and walked away, out of the front door and onto the path. “Wait, Jem!” he could hear Will calling for him behind him then heard the running footsteps. “Jem, please, just wait!” Will’s hand clamped onto his arm and Jem whirled around. 

“Tell me, Will,” Jem said quietly, his voice soft and full of hurt. “When did it start? When did you realise that I wasn’t enough for you? When did you start to seek love elsewhere?” Will gaped at him like a fish.

“What?” he asked. “What are you talking about?!”

“You’re different, Will,” Jem said, plain and clear. “You’ve changed. For weeks now you’ve disappeared on me! I come home and find you’re not there. You never want to spend any time with me anymore, even when I almost beg you to.” Jem stopped and took a breath. “Will, I won’t be angry if you just tell me the truth. Please, you at least owe me that. All I know is that I love you and I can’t bear the though that you are unhappy with me. For the sake of your happiness, Will, please. Just tell me how long?” 

Will stood frozen. Seconds dragged on as Jem stared at him, trying to keep from crying as Will’s blue eyes watched him. Finally, Will stepped forwards and took Jem’s hands. Jem squeezed his eyes shut, preparing himself for the inevitable heartbreak that was sure to come. “Jem, look at me, please,” Will whispered. Jem obeyed and was surprised to see Will’s eyes filled with tears. 

“I’ve never cheated on you, Jem,” he said. “I would never. And I’m so sorry that I made you feel like that.” There was no lie in Will’s eyes. 

“Then what’s going on?” Jem asked. Will took a deep breath.

“I’ve been seeing a doctor,” he said. Jem blinked. Of all the things that he thought Will was going a say, that was definitely not it. 

“A doctor?” Jem said softly. “For what?”

“I-erm-well, they’ve only just diagnosed me,” Will said, running a hand through his hair. “Chronic fatigue apparently. I don’t really know what it means completely. But it’s what I’ve got.” 

Suddenly, everything made complete sense. Will’s constant tiredness. His complaints of sore muscles. His lack of energy to do anything. Jem realised that he had made a massive mistake, the guilt washing over him in waves. He brought his hand to his mouth.

“Oh my god, Will,” he gasped. “I am so sorry. I just accused you of cheating when I really should have been looking out for you. God, some boyfriend I am-”

“No, Jem, stop,” Will said, placing a hand on his shoulder. “This is not your fault at all. I didn’t tell you so you had no chance of knowing. To be honest, I only realised something was wrong because Tessa knew what was going on. Her brother had chronic fatigue so she recognised the signs.” He stopped himself, taking a shaky breath. Jem realised just how scared Will was. He had heard stories of people with chronic fatigue who had to drop out of school, had to put their whole life on hold while they worked on getting better. Without any support, it was nearly impossible to recover as the same person.

“I’m so sorry, Will,” Jem whispered. Will shook his head but Jem pulled him into a hug, stroking his hair soothingly. “We’ll get through this, yeah? I promise you I’ll do everything I possibly can. You hear me? You don’t have to keep it from me. I’ll do the worrying for you.” Will didn’t answer but buried his head into Jem’s shoulder. 

Slowly, Jem guided them both back to the house where they curled up on the couch for the rest of the evening. Will fell asleep at about nine but Jem didn’t have the heart to wake him up. Instead, he drew his phone from his pocket and googled chronic fatigue, going through page after page of information about symptoms, treatments, everything. The more he read, the more Jem realised that he had been so blind the Will’s symptoms. 

“Oh, Will,” he whispered. “Why is it always you?”  
***  
The next day, Will let Jem go with him to his doctor’s appointment. As they sat in the waiting room, Will was silent, staring at his lap and refusing to look up. Every muscle in his body seemed tense with nerves and worry. Eventually, Jem couldn’t take it anymore and threaded his fingers with Will’s, gently rubbing his thumb in circles on the back of Will’s hand. It seemed to calm him down slightly but it only reminded Jem that Will had already done this on his own far too much. 

“Will Herondale?” the receptionist called. “Doctor Fairchild will see you now.” Jem gave Will a small smile, pulling him from his seat and leading him down the corridor to where Doctor Fairchild’s office was. He knocked on the door.

“Come in!” a feminine voice called. Giving Will an encouraging smile, Jem opened the door and led Will in.

“Ah, Will, lovely to see you again,” Doctor Fairchild said. “And I see you’ve brought a friend along. That’s good.” Doctor Fairchild was a fairly small woman with a kind face and bright eyes. She seemed nice and that made Jem feel better about having not been there for Will through most of his diagnosis. Both he and Will sat down on the chairs near Doctor Fairchild’s desk as she shuffled through some files and tapped a few things into her computer. 

“Okay, well I suppose we should start with some introductions,” she said with a smile. 

“Oh, yes, sorry,” Will apologised. “Um this is my boyfriend, Jem Carstairs. He said he’d come with me today to see what he can do to help.” 

“Well it’s lovely to meet you, Jem,” Doctor Fairchild said. She settled back into her chair and picked up her notepad. “Right then, how have things been since our last appointment, Will? Any new symptoms?”

“Um, yeah,” Will said, clearing his throat. “I’ve had a few episodes of dizziness, actually. And sometimes nausea. They’re not frequent but still, they’re there.” Doctor Fairchild hummed, taking down a few notes. 

“Okay, and is your still sleep not fully restful?” she asked. Will nodded. 

“I sleep a lot but it never seems to be enough,” he said. “Sometimes I fall asleep at the wrong times and that leads to…some problems...” He glanced at Jem almost sheepishly but Jem only squeezed his hand lightly. 

“And how about everyday tasks?” 

“Sometimes difficult, sometimes not,” Will shrugged. “It depends. But I find it hard to concentrate or find the energy to do them.” Doctor Fairchild nodded, finishing off her notes before placing them on her desk. 

“Well I think I can definitely say you have symptoms of chronic fatigue,” she said. “And after what you just told me I believe probably a moderate version of it as well.”

“So what does that mean?” Jem asked, unable to control himself. 

“It means that some adjustments are going to have to be made,” she said. “Nothing too drastic, at least they shouldn’t be with the help of a few friends. But I’m afraid that you’ll have to consider dropping out of university. At least until the treatment starts to work.” Will looked down but Jem caught the shocked and sad expression on his face. This was going to be hard on Will. His Will who was always so independent and never wanted to accept help. If Will didn’t have his independence, Jem feared that he may just stop wanting to live.

“Okay, so where do we start?” Jem asked, looking away from Will to Doctor Fairchild who was watching the whole interaction carefully. She smiled a little which gave Jem some sort of hope that things would get better.

“Well we’ll put Will on a light exercise program which will hopefully start getting his strength back up,” she said. “I’ll also arrange for a district nurse to make daily visits and help you with making adjustments to your living space. It will take time, but I want you both to know that many people who have suffered from chronic fatigue do make a full recovery. This is not forever. So long as you work at your treatments then you can recover.” 

Doctor Fairchild prescribed some pills to help Will with sleeping and any pain that might flare up during a particularly bad episode. Jem thanked the doctor before leaving with Will, making their way slowly back to the house. 

“I should probably call the uni then,” Will muttered. Jem took his hand.

“It can wait, Will,” he said. “You don’t need to do everything right this second. I suppose that’s the point of this disease. It stops you.”

“I don’t even know what to do now,” Will whispered. “Uni was my life. I played football, I went out with friends, I worked for my degree. Now what do I do?” Jem stopped walking and tugged on Will’s hand so he turned to face him.

“You look at me, William Herondale,” Jem said. “This is not forever. Uni will still be there when you get better. Your friends won’t leave at all. I’m definitely not going anywhere. All you have to do is focus on getting yourself well again, yeah? I won’t hear anything else of it. Your health is much more important.” He reached up and cupped Will’s cheeks, bringing him in for a short but sweet kiss. “Now, let’s get home so we can tell the others what’s going to happen. No doubt they’ll want to help in any way they can.”

“But what if they don’t?” Will asked.

“They will,” Jem said, his voice firm. “This is how we’re going to fight this disease, Will. Together.”


End file.
